What is Marriage Coaching?

You’ve likely heard of marriage counseling. In addition to couples counseling, there is also the option of marriage coaching. Let’s go over the difference between these two things. While marriage counseling focuses on what happened in the past and can result in digging up baggage, coaching is about what’s happening in the present moment. A marriage coach wants the couple to move forward instead of reliving painful moments. Marriage coaching is solution-oriented. The couple may not know how to solve their problems, and that’s what the marriage coach is there to help with, which is an invaluable skill. Each marriage is unique and has different strengths and weaknesses. Coaches recognize that partners will need something unique from their partner. An excellent marriage coach helps the couple figure out what the best way to communicate with one another is, and how to stay present at the moment.

Seeing Things Differently

Marriage coaches can look at the relationship with a new set of eyes. They can show the couple how they view the marriage from the outside. They’re an outside party who cares about the couple. There may be things that the couples are missing because they’re too wrapped up in their problems to see what could help. Having someone who can see the marriage from the outside is an asset. They’re able to see both sides of the relationship and offer couples coping skills to manage their communication and intimacy issues. A great marriage coach helps the couple to change the way they’re thinking. Maybe they’ve grown to resent one another. It’s natural to be resentful of your partner if you’re not getting your emotional needs met. A marriage coach can laser focus on what each person needs and translate those needs to each of the members of the couple. When you’re thinking negatively about your partner, the way you view them won’t be objective, and it will be skewed. One of the jobs of your marriage coach is to teach you to let go of resentment and view your partner in a different, more positive light. Assume that they have good intentions. Both of you are pursuing coaching to better the relationship.

Getting Emotional Tools

Marriage coaches are teachers. They teach the couple emotional tools to handle their problems and communicate better. Regardless of the situation, the coach is looking at how best to handle an emotionally challenging scenario. If you and your partner are seeing a marriage coach, the chances are you don’t have the tools to connect with your partner. That’s okay because your coach is there to teach you how to handle conflict, become closer, and strengthen your bond. If you have an empty emotional toolbox, it’s no wonder your marriage is suffering. But, there’s hope. Your coach has some tools to give you and will teach you how to use them.

Accountability

When you and your partner go to marriage coaching, you will determine what your goals for the relationship are. You may even write those goals down on paper. Your coach is aware of what you want to accomplish in coaching and will remind you of those objectives. You are responsible for your goals. The coach can’t work toward the goals for you. They’re there to keep you on track and make sure you remember why you came to coaching in the first place. Everyone gets off track sometimes, because coaching is not easy, but when you have a marriage expert helping you, you’ve got support there to keep you accountable for your behavior and actions. You can keep developing your tools and make your relationship stronger.

Support

We all need support in life. Having a reliable support system can make all the difference. When you’re lonely, it likely means that you lack that backing. That’s what a marriage coach provides you and your partner, support person to guide you through a hard time during your relationship. When your marriage is in a crisis level state, you are seeking a mental health professional to guide you. You don’t have to navigate your suffering relationship alone. It’s essential to have a person who cares about both you and your partner. A coach wants your marriage to succeed. All three of you are there to make this relationship work.

Challenges

Marriage coaches challenge you. They do it lovingly, but it may be tough love. If you’re in denial, and you’re trying to avoid looking at hard truths, a marriage coach is there to help you confront those truths; it will be transformative to your relationship and your life as a whole. It’s imperative that you look at things realistically in your marriage so you can make things work for you and your partner. Your marriage coach is interested in looking at reality rather than what you hope your situation will be in your marriage. They want to help you learn how to use the tools in your emotional toolbox.

Here are some ideas as to why marriage coaching could help you and your partner:

  • You’re fighting about the same things 
  • You’re discussing divorce 
  • You hope things can be different 
  • You’re worried about your children seeing you and your partner in conflict 
  • You’re at a loss as to how to fix your marriage 
  • You’re concerned about the future 

These are all valid reasons as to why marriage coaching can make a difference and help you and your partner. There are more reasons you could seek a marriage coach, and you and your partner can discuss the benefits of coaching versus counseling. The most important thing is to commit to resolving these problems in your marriage. If you want to address these issues, this is something that marriage coaching can help you achieve. 

Here are things that marriage coaching can help you do:

  • You can resolve the conflict between you and your partner 
  • Work on a sustainable marriage 
  • Create the relationship you envision 
  • Increase the feelings of intimacy 
  • Help you try to save your marriage 

Your marriage coach is committed to doing the following:

Communication is on a high priority list with your marriage coach. They want you to talk to your partner. They want you to resolve conflicts that keep coming up in your relationship. It’s not your coach’s role to give you advice, but instead, they will teach you coping skills to manage your conflicts in the marriage. Remember that emotional toolbox? Your intimacy issues are essential. They’ll help you stay in touch with the “now” rather than the “then. It’s significant for coaching mainly to focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on the past. Marriage counseling is about working through deep-seated issues from the past that impact the present, whereas coaching is about looking at where you and your partner are right now. Your coach wants to understand the current problems you’re facing and help you get through these challenges.